Knitting

I went to a knitting group last night. I haven't knitted in years, and even when I did knit I was so beginner I never even completed one project - how lame is that! So now I'm back into it, with my orange cotton yarn knitting a dishcloth. Last time I tried knitting (also a dishcloth) my husband was teasing that it looked like I was making my own thong underwear (and when you looked at what I was making, you could say it DID look like thong underwear... takes a man to think of that!). My "thong" was freecycled along with a bunch of yarn and needles I bought at the thrift. So last night I bought new needles and yarn and hope to get back into it. Knitting seems like a nice relaxing thing to do, especially over the long prairie winters. Maybe it will help pass the time and keep my sanity while my husband is away. Okay, maybe thats a lot to ask of a hobby, but one can always hope.

What are you lonely for?

I was asked this question (online) and it's an interesting question. My answer:

I just want one or two friends who are close and I can count on for times I need someone to talk with or go to the mall or go for coffee with. Friends who are reliable. I find most people very unreliable, and thats difficult for me to take. I'm a military spouse which makes it difficult since I have no family (and I mean absolutely NO one) around me and what family I do have has lost contact with me over the years. It's a very lonely, isolated life. Plus the military takes my husband away from me for months, sometimes years at a time, and we live off base (rent is TOO expensive for base housing in Canada, it's cheaper to have a mortgage!) which makes it really difficult to access any resources on base. It's depressing just thinking about it.

Sounds a bit depressing, I know, but it's an honest answer. It will be interesting to see how different I feel once my husband is home from this latest deployment.

Today I went to a downtown church for the second week in a row. It has a distinctly evangelical mood, which part of me detests, but the people seem nice and the Sunday School seems perfect for Sarah. They have a single mom's lunch after the Sunday service once a month, so I'm hoping to attend and not get kicked out because I'm married!

My husbands birthday is tomorrow, which is actually today where he is. I didn't send him a gift, bad wife I am, because I didn't want to send him something and he would have to bring it back with him. He has been begging for a few naughty photos, but I've been too afraid to send those in case they get "lost" in the mail! :(

There is lots of snow on the ground here, we had two big snowfalls and while it's so pretty, it's a bit exhausting to walk in. The city is working on clearing the main roads and sidewalks first, so the side streets take forever to walk down. Hopefully by the start of the work week things will be better.

Thank God Christmas is over and Boxing Day is nearly done. This has been the crappiest Holidays ever, with not having my husband or family here. My toddler and I spent the day alone, like any other day except for unwrapping presents and playing with the toys. No special meal at home, although we did go to the church up the street for a meal which was nice, but no where near as nice as having a meal with family and friends.

I'm totally in a downer mood and bummed out once again by my husband being in the military. Luckily I have some trashy MC Beaton novels to read and they are showing Frank Capra movies on Time Warner Classics. I have never watched Arsenic and Old Lace but I know it's a great albeit morbid comedy, so I have it recording this evening and hope to watch it over the next day or two. I really enjoy watching It's a Wonderful Life and Mr Smith goes to Washington, so I'm sure most of Capra's movies are hits. I'm hoping to see Pocketful of Miracles and perhaps Platinum Blonde or Lady for a Day... so many to choose from!

Last night my daughter and I attended a community church "Holiday Feast". It was stressful and wonderful all in one. Stressful because I was on my own with a stroller, a two year old and my hands full of a huge gift basket I won! Luckily a kind man helped me with my packages out to the street where I called a taxi for a ride home.

The basket I won has this lovely hand sewn quilt in it that will be perfect on Sarah's bed. I plan to take a picture of her sleeping with the quilt on and send it in a nice thank you card to the church.

The dinner itself was well organized and SO yummy! The volunteers had gingerbread house kits available for the kids to put together while they waited for their meal. My daughter of course only wanted to eat the decoration candies while mom built the house!! But it was fun none the less.

This afternoon we're off to another community dinner put on by the local business association. It's at 1:30 so I'm hoping I can take my daughter on my lunch break and be back at work in reasonable time. Wish me luck!

This week has been a lot of bitchiness, starting with a few goofy coworkers who are seriously grinchy and in turn put me and my coworker whom I share an office with in a Bah Humbug sort of mood! I'm hoping it will shake off.... I don't like being crabby over Christmas!

I went to weight watchers today, gained 2.1 lbs and I'm not overly worried about it! There, I said it! I'd rather have lost weight but I have decided to forgive myself for my indiscretions over the holidays and just enjoy as much of everything I can, including food.

My daughter has been amazingly well mannered lately - not perfect but she is learning to listen to her mom and her mom is learning to negotiate to get what she wants (ie the television WILL be turned off if said daughter does not lie down to get her diaper changed!).

Tonight I have respite, all I'm doing is picking up an item at a friends house that I've bought off her, and spending my Safeway gift cards I received in the military Christmas hamper. Fun fun fun!

I read my blog today. Luckily it's still short enough I can do that fairly easily. There is one thing I need to update, and that is my husband is away for a total of fifteen months (not fourteen - but hey, whats one month eh?), and WILL miss my daughters third birthday! I'm debating on just sliding the date back a month since she is only turning three and is young enough she won't know the difference. Ethical? In some ways no, in many ways, YES!

I requested a Christmas Hamper from the military. I request one every year now I know they have this service, and it's been so wonderful this year with my husband being away. It makes me feel a wee more festive - and anything to make me feel festive is "a good thing". There are some wonderful toys for Sarah and a few very nice Safeway gift cards for me to do some holiday shopping.

Today was the first day where it really hit me hard how much I miss my husband. Until now it was more that I missed he wasn't here to take care of my daughter to give me the occasional break most mothers of two year olds need. It may be the holidays are fast approaching, making me realize how lonely it is to be a military spouse - no family around, no close friends because I have no time to socialize and meet new ones whenever we move... it's a sad, lonely world sometimes.

My coworkers have been wonderful and very understanding. My lovely boss took our team out for an incredible lunch on Friday, followed by prezzies for everyone... including presents for any young children of team members! I can't imagine a better boss, and I will be sad to leave this department when the time comes. (Wiping another tear away from my eye as I write this...)

I had respite today, the worker was over a half hour late because she got lost on the bus. I forgave her, at least somewhat, because I take the bus as well and it can be easy at first to get confused where you're to get off, switch buses, etc. It turns out she wasn't that great a worker, she was friendly to my daughter which is most important, but she didn't cook lunch as I asked (microwaved some left over grain salad that I said to serve with lunch, and to not warm up). I'll give her one more chance and see how it goes. She wasn't horrible by any means, just maybe not as good as the others who have come.

Tomorrow is Sunday and I'm debating on going to church; it gives me a bit of a break but I'm not too thrilled about Christianity (I grew up with an extended Christian family) so it makes it difficult. Maybe I'll visit the Unitarian Church, they are all welcoming and don't push you or assume you believe. It's a welcome break from what I'm used to.

Ethical Dilemma

So I have an ethical dilemma. We have a room for rent at the moment - I find having a house mate helps while my husband is away. It makes me feel a little more secure, knowing there is some one else in the house besides me and my young daughter.

So, I advertised the room and had a few no shows, then had an email from a fellow in the US who will is doing a double major (poly sci and geography... go figure!) and needs a place to stay for a few months. We talked on the phone and I said he needs to mail me a cheque for a deposit. He probably already mailed the cheque, but since I haven't received it yet I left the ad up for others to reply.

This evening I get two phone calls from doctors who are taking a one year program where I work (I work at a hospital). One fellow is from Vancouver, so there is a connection there (my husband and I are from Vancouver). The other lady is from Toronto. Both are coming by to look at the house, both are interested for one year.

So, my ethical delimma is two fold, one, we may end up getting a posting message saying we're moving this summer, which would lead me to pick the guy from the US as he would only need the room until late Spring. Then again, if we don't get posted it would be nice to have the room rented out for a full year, and to someone who will be going to the same place every day as me.

Decisions, decisions!

Encouragement from fellow military spouse bloggers

I've been reading other spouse's blogs, especially during deployments. It's been helpful knowing others go through the same hell that I am currently in. One post especially peaked my interest, Stella posted during the hubby's 15 month deployment and has some encouragement on how to get through a deployment - http://fifteenmonths.blogspot.com/2008/02/my-top-8-tips-for-surviving-deployment.html - her second point especially has me thinking. Time to stop thinking how much the military stinks and how some staff are especially cruel and to just take it one step at a time. Hopefully this will help me keep at least a small portion of my sanity intact.

Pathetic

I rented a car this weekend; I thought renting a car would be a thrill, and it has somewhat. It's a thrill to drive from point A to point B without having to stand at a bus stop for 15 minutes in -35 degrees! However all I did with the car was drop my daughter off at respite care, then go to Costco. Yes, thats it. How dull am I.

One tiny excuse is that I just drove BY the malls and big box stores and they looked so crazy busy I can't imagine any sane person wanting to go there! The major streets leading to these stores were wild enough, I wouldn't like to attempt the parking lots.

Tomorrow I don't have any plans other than a friend is coming to pick up a book case and baby gate in the afternoon, so I have to figure out what I can/want to do now I have access to a car for another whole day.

The University I'm taking courses at contacted me about my application for an exam deferral and they have accepted, now it's just a matter of scheduling it. A huge nice bonus is that it will be in January - after the holidays - which gives me loads more study time - Horray!!!

Overwhelmed

I'm noticing a pattern with my post titles - they tend to reflect how I'm feeling at the moment I post.

Yesterday I took a family sick day as my daughter had a bad cough and horrible snot nose; luckily it got better throughout the day so hopefully it keeps up. This morning taking her to daycare was hell though, she screamed and cried as soon as we started walking. At first I thought she was cold (-25 today!) but I don't think that was it. I'm still not sure what it was all about, but she calmed down on the bus and the walk to daycare, but once in the door she was pouty and clingy like crazy. I had to peel the poor girl off my leg so I could get to work! The daycare workers are wonderful and one took her away while I quickly ran out the door. Hopefully I won't have many mornings like that again!

I have an exam coming up for my University course, so I have been studying when I get the chance, but I don't get that chance often enough. I am sure I'll pass the course but realistically my final mark will be less than impressive I'm sure!

Work is semi-busy, I have things to do but not everything is rush rush which is so nice. I can take a few minutes here and there to reflect which is a treat.

Respite is going well for the most part, although I did request a non-smoker and of course one of the ladies is a smoker, but she felt bad and said she usually makes an effort to not smoke before coming over, and she changes her clothes before she comes to my house... and seeing as she is such a nice lady I'm okay with that.

My Canadian World Youth girls left this morning - I was sad to see them go, but at the same time it will be nice to have the house to ourselves over the holidays. I do have ads posted to rent the room out again, so hopefully someone will be interested for January.

Humbug

I'm feeling a bit "humbug" today. I'm not overly upset that it will just be me and my daughter this Christmas, but I do miss my husband so it's tough not to be a little down. There's a local church putting on a holiday feast a few days before Christmas, so I plan to go with my daughter. It will be nice to be around people. Plus next Wednesday there is a deployment support meeting at yummy local dessert place so I definately plan to go! Luckily I was able to get a sitter!

I'm taking a distance education class at the local university, and last night I wrote a test. My mark wasn't great I'm sure because I haven't had the time to study much other than the last two respite periods. My final exam is coming up in mid December so hopefully I can do more studying and boost my mark!

And to finish my post off, good news! I lost three pounds over the past week - yahoo! Now let's have that cheesecake :)