Sunday morning sleep-in!

My daughter let me sleep in until 8:30 - what a treat!! We had french toast for breakfast and now she's watching "Super Why" (CBC show that teaches spelling), so mommy and daughter are both happy this morning.

I assume as a result of me telling the military how desperate I was for respite, I had CFS come knock on my door last night. It was all good however and I didn't mind them checking up on us. In fact I appreciated it. Since working in police services as a comm op for 10 years and having a lot of dealings with CFS, I know that they were truly just checking up to make sure everyone was okay.

This evening I have respite again from 6 pm to 10 pm. I plan to go to a quiet coffee shop and get caught up on my reading for school - I am at least three weeks behind and have an exam December 18th so I better get cracking!

I almost forgot to mention, I've joined weight watchers and as a result, met up with three wonderful ladies at a local restaurant yesterday afternoon. My daughter kept me hopping as usual, but it was still a great visit. Hopefully WW will help me get back on track and keep my eating in check.

Desperation leads to relief - somewhat

Yesterday and today have been a bit of a blur. After a number of email exchanges I had a phone call from the interim social worker at the military family centre. This woman is wonderful; she seems like she genuinely cares and honestly she has offered to do some things (such as come to my home to visit me, and drop off a christmas hamper from the military when I was unable to pick it up) for me in the past that I felt were above and beyond the call of duty, and for that I was, and still am, very thankful. Anyway, long story short I had four hours of respite tonight and it was SO WONDERFUL! I hopped the bus, went to the mall and had a relaxing, enjoyable meal then I picked up a book for my husband and got on a bus that took me around the city on a tour. The bus trip ended up making me 15 minutes later than I expected, but the respite worker didn't seem to mind. I have to mention the respite worker was wonderful, my daughter warmed up to her right away and asked for 'tickles' all night - she was in a mood to be ticked I guess! So it seems both daughter and respite worker (and mommy!) enjoyed their evening. Thank goodness!

Numb

I've been feeling numb lately. Not physically numb, but mentally numb. Routine is my life. Some days, it's the routine from hell.

Mondays is Kinder Gym for my daughter. I get off work at 4:30, walk to daycare, hope my daughter cooperates and gets her jacket and accessories on then we walk to the bus stop. Bus comes about 10 minutes later and takes us almost directly to the community centre. Most days it goes well, but last night was evil! Sarah had a cookie that my coworker made her on the way to the gym, then at the gym I bought us each a bag of chips (usually I buy just one but I've learned that two year olds do NOT like to share!). Sarah was happy for the most part until I suggested she put her chips down and join the other kids in her gym class. That didn't go over so well. She of course said "no" and cried when I took the chips away. She screamed in fact, and loudly. She threw herself on the floor, kicking and screaming and crying while some parents laughed, most gave me understanding, sympathetic looks while one couple actually made it seem like I was the worst parent on the earth (the parents of the second most whiney child in the group... perhaps my daughters outburst made them feel superior).

After a non-successful time out, I stuffed my daughter in her stroller, kicking and screaming (her, not me... although perhaps I should have kicked and screamed also) all the way to the bus stop. I'm sure some of the people I passed along the way thought I had beat the crap out of her (which I must admit was tempting for a second or two). Finally, after about a 20 minute wait for the bus she settled down somewhat. By the time we got home, she was happy and playful again.

Hopefully tonight is not a repeat of last night... I have a daycare board meeting to go to. The only reason I volunteer is because it gives me a break from my daughter and gives me time to interact with adults... kinda like work only a bit more fun. Pray for me!

Seemingly never ending roller coaster

It's the respite roller coaster - and it's over three years long! Long story short, my local family support centre refuses to help me because we live off base, I do not drive, and the city transit does not go to the base so I can't access the deployment respite they offer. They say they don't have the budget to hire a sitter for me, or for pay for a cab ride to the base and back... and they don't want to give me a ride either. So, it seems I am SOL because I have a S family centre here!

I even approached the FSS (Family Support Section) in Edmonton asking if they could help (we live in Winnipeg) and another long story short, they can't because we're in Winnipeg and must receive service from Winnipeg. Too bad service in Winnipeg means f-you.

So, another long deployment (14 months) without support from the military. Sometimes I wonder why I haven't gone insane yet, or if I am insane and simply am too insane to realize that I'm insane. Or perhaps I must be insane to have stuck with this crap for this long!?

Depressing Times

It's been a week since I last spoke with Edmonton's Family Support Services. With a title like that, you would think it's self explainatory what they do, and it is, and it isn't. I've been struggling with my local MFRC to get some support in the form of care for my child while my husband is called off for duty for months, sometimes more than a year at a time. There's been times I've feared that I would either have a mental break down or worse, harm my child. But the local MFRC has been nothing but critical. I have even been told that "it's a budget issue" and that I am not entitled to emergency respite. This after losing our first born child.... I can't imagine what else emergency respite care would be for! It clearly states in the policy emergency respite care is to help support the mental well being of the care provider.... well, what else would have to happen besides the death of one's child to cause someone to go bonkers and need respite care??! Our MFRC sucks big time. I can't wait to get posted out. I've been praying for a posting message for months now, and at this point I wouldn't really care where we were posted to... as long as it's not here!

Church, part deux

I attended the same church as last week after speaking with the Pastor who assured me he would speak with the staff. I also spoke with the staff, and in the end it turns out someone DID take my daughter upstairs, but I had not seen them. Whew! So that made me feel a lot better. The church service was nice, lots of different cultural music including African, and Karin. My daughter had fun playing in the nursery with the other 2 and 3 year olds, so overall it was a great morning.

Rememberance Day Blues

I had plans to go to a Remembrance Day Ceremony. I thought it was important seeing as the love of my life is deployed overseas doing his part. But what did I do? Pulled the lazy housewife and stayed in ALL day. My daughter was content watching television, playing with her toys and snuggling with mommy all day... so who am I to deny her? I listened to CBC radio all day instead, hearing stories of the war and of love kindled during and after wartime.

New Church and a Free SO Concert

This morning one of the girls staying with me wanted to go to a local church one of her friends told her about. I was excited to go so I said sure, and rushed to get my daughter and I ready in 15 minutes! We did it, just squeeked in as the service was starting. It was a nice service, people were fairly friendly but I'm not sure if it's the church for us, or at least for my daughter. At first she went down with the other kids for Sunday School and a few minutes later came up on her own! I decided to put her in the nursery which appeared secure with staff supervision, but again, about 10 minutes later in comes my daughter. This really scared me because she could have easily gone outside the building and the church is on a very busy street. I have a call in to the church office so hopefully this won't happen again to any other children.

On a happier note, I received a free ticket to Sunday Pops with the local Symphony Orchestra. It was fun and a nice break for me. The girls staying with me looked after Sarah and allowed me to have a few hours to myself.

Realizing I need to journal for my own sanity

I've thought about journaling the time during my husbands various deployments for a while now, but out of sheer laziness never have. Starting this blog I am leary I will keep it up, but hopefully I will get on a roll and maintain it regularly.

My husband is currently deployed overseas with the Canadian military. He has been away training since February of this year, but the actual overseas part only started mid-October.

This year I turned 40, celebrated our fourth wedding anniversary and my daughter's second birthday. I am hoping my husband will be home from this current deployment in time for my daughters third birthday in May.